I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
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