Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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