Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Randomize
