I think i peed on brittanys purse
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
