I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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