is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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