FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I just gargled with NyQuil
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
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