I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
