remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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