kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
