i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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