Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Randomize
