Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
