I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
BRING THE BAGELS
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
