We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
We're facebook friends in real life
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
