Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
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