Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
