i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
