So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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