lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
