when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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