yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
