I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
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