i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
