were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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