And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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