She said her name was "party"
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
