so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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