Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
You made out with two different species that night
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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