So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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