just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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