Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
