I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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