I'm really into asian looking animals
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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