im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
