i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
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