now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
if only i could text you this smell
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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