Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
