I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
