I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
