Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
