so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
