what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize