What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Randomize
