And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
