so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
