I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
