No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
