I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
He's on the porch naked. Help.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
