Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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