Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Randomize
