we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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