just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
