This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
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