I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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