if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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