I'll bet she douches with gravy.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
