If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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