We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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