omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Randomize
