The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Randomize
