I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Randomize