just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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