Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Need sex. Gaining weight.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Can I color on your dick again?
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
