nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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