Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
The beer is more important than you right now.
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There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
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I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
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