Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
