Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
