Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Randomize
