Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
