After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
