I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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