hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
