She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
