My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
