To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
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just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
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my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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