Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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