and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
