I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
