i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
