worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
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