What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
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