Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
