you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
