I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
