i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
