The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
