He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize